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|SAM interviews PRINCE BULLY
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|Author:||Sam [ Sun Nov 02, 2014 6:02 am ]|
|Post subject:||SAM interviews PRINCE BULLY|
(Note: You want to get into that Lemmy's Land spirit? Listen to this while reading the interview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dI8slLrX0kA)
Announcer: Coming to you loud and proud from his studio here in Mushroom City, heeeeeeere's Sam!
A grey-robed Shy Guy clad in a yellow mask and green polka-dot bowtie is shown sitting in an armchair onstage, waiting eagerly for his applause. Sadly, only a bit comes from the audience.
Sam: Thank you, thank you all! I want to say that I'm SO happy that you guys have all come here tonight because... I'm continuing to interview people once again!
Toad in the Audience: So?
Sam: So? SO? Hey, this may be no big deal to you buddy, but trust me when I say that I'm hyped to have gotten the funds together to be doing interviews again! Sadly, I've lost some old friends after Lemmy shut everything down...
He looks at a portrait over on the studio wall with him, Dr. Kranken, Entei, Lucario, Zombie Bob, Axem Red, Dark Boo, and Wizenheimer all grinning happily... or at least most are, Axem Red just looks bored.
Sam: My old interview crew... man those were the days! But unfortunately, that's not important! I know you guys haven't come here to watch a Lemmy's Land vet reminisce about the good old days!
Audience Goomba: I hope not! That's ten coins I'm never seeing again after all!
Sam: ...look, let's get to the point. Ladies and gentlemen, I think you all ought to give a warm welcome to my interviewee Prince Bully!
The Roman Centurion-stylized Bully shoves his way onstage and takes a seat next to Sam, glaring intensely at him while Sam begins to sweat nervously.
Sam: Well er... hi? It's nice to see you here!
Prince Bully: Nice?! Do I LOOK nice to you, you miserable little bug?!
Sam: Whoa no, I didn't mean to offend you or anything! You look positively jerkish tonight!
Prince Bully: JERKISH?!
Sam: Oh no, I didn't mean that either! I mean... er... AGH!
Prince Bully: Oh cheer up little worm, I merely jest! I am having a glorious night myself!
Sam: ...cute. Real cute. Anyway, can I just ask you a couple of questions?
Prince Bully: Why certainly! Ask me anything my little friend, ANYTHING!
Sam: Anything, eh?. Well, I've got a question that I really hope you have adequate justification for: what in the world were you thinking when you had those clear pipes installed in your boss room? Especially for that rematch, there's just no justifying that.
Prince Bully: Hey, you may be acting all high and mighty since you believe that you're so smart, but don't you dare tell me that those pipes aren't fun to slide around in!
Sam: ...eh, fair enough. Anyway, you seem to be the only Bully who can spit fire. Why is that?
Prince Bully: Actually, all of us Bullies have the potential to spit fire as we all have a flame burning in our belly! I however seem to be the only one who was actually designed with fire spitting in mind, though.
Sam: Ah, so you guys are artificially created then?
Prince Bully: Yes indeed!
Sam: So uh, how does this creation process go?
Prince Bully: It's pretty simple: Magikoopas enchant steel molded into a certain shape in order to bring it to life, and go on to slap on horns, these cute little boots, the works! And in the case of Ice Bullies, they do the same with carefully sculpted ice.
Sam: Ah! So, I take it you were custom made?
Prince Bully: Oh yes indeed, all Bully leaders are such as Chief Chilly!
Sam: So you know Chief Chilly eh? Do you two get along well?
Prince Bully: Oh dear lord NO! That pompous nitwit NEVER SHUTS UP about that blasted mustache of his! Let me tell you: if you happen to lack any and all facial hair and have the misfortune to interact with him, he will NEVER let you hear the end of it!
Sam: Maybe you ought to melt that mustache of his off with your fire breath! You have it for a reason...
Prince Bully: Oh you sneaky little devil!
The two of them share evil laughs before calming down.
Sam: Alright Prince, we got to get back on topic.
Prince Bully: Well of course!
Sam: So I noticed you're simply known as Prince Bully. Why aren't you a King Bully?
Prince Bully: Actually, I WAS known as King Bully for a while! But that stupid, irritating whining imbecile King Kathunk complained to Lord Bowser that we couldn't have two Kings serving him as it would make things “confusing” and thus my demotion to a lowly Prince. He just wanted to be the only one called King around the henchmen!
Sam: What a jerk! It's not even fair because Bowser is usually called King Bowser himself!
Prince Bully: Trust me, I'll crush that self-important little rabble-rouser someday...
Sam: Man, you seem to get angry a lot! Is rage a normal thing for all Bullies?
Prince Bully: Indeed it is! The fire in our belly heats us up in more ways then one! It keeps our tempers seething and our blood boiling, so we're always ready to smack people around like bowling pins!
Sam: So one last question before I turn you to the audience: Do you have any friends among the Koopa Troop?
Prince Bully: Actually, Motley Bossblob and I get along quite well! He's an incredibly funny fellow and tells the most humorous jokes! Speaking of jokes, I have a great one he told me about three Toad wenches, an inn, and a mischievous Goomba barista...
Sam: Look, jokes are all fine and dandy but we can't waste the audience's time! I'm going to call on four people, and then you can hit the road.
Prince Bully: Oh thank heavens, I was getting quite hungry! Let me tell you, there's a local restaurant which makes THE most heavenly pesto pasta...
Sam: ANYWAY! Seat 111111
Sam: DON'T YOU DARE!
Dragonborn: ...sorry. Anyway! Those are some impressive horns you have there! However, I've seen other bullies with horns on their heads! What's the deal with that?
Prince Bully: Well, whenever Bowser first had us Bullies commissioned he wanted to go with a more “devilish” look. However, when he decided to make use of us yet again, he had the model changed for more of a “bull” aesthetic. I guess he just wanted a different design to work with!
Sam: Makes sense. Now, seat 53!
Goombella: Man you're SO huge! Are you what's considered a Big Bully?
Prince Bully: *snort* Do I look like a common Big Bully? No, I was made specifically with a “Prince Bully” model in mind!
Goombella: Well aren't you rude!
Sam: Hey, let's keep it down guys! Seat FRANCHISEKILLER.
Sam: Oh fine, Sticker Star wasn't THAT bad.
Kersti: Anyway, would you like to appear in any more Mario games in the future?
Prince Bully: Unfortunately, as much as I'd like to I probably will get cameo appearances if I'm lucky! I don't have that marketability that people such as Petey Piranha or King Boo had in the past!
Sam: Pretty tragic, man! Now to finish up, Seat MOSTLYARMLESS
Goomba: I hate having no arms. You feeling me, man?
Prince Bully: I'm a prince, do I look like I need arms?! I have servants that handle things like feeding me and all that. Besides, I thought you Goombas could lift things with your mind?
Goomba: So? It still sucks.
Prince Bully: I smell a nihilist on our hands!
Sam: Alright, knock it off. Anyway, that was the final question, so that's it for our interview!
The audience breaks out into thunderous applause.
Sam: Aw nice! See, I told you guys you'd enjoy yourselves!
Prince Bully: I must say, that was more enjoyable then I imagined! Sam, you're a good guy, I'd definitely put you on the very short list of people I like!
Sam: Well, I'm glad to hear it! Now everybody, I hope you all have a lovely night because I know I did! Now, as they said back during the glory days... Goodnight Plit!
Silence is heard as everyone leaves the room.
Sam: Aw, come on! I liked it when Plit would answer. ;_;
As Sam goes to leave as well, he notices a pudgy, familiar looking Magikoopa staying behind.
Sam: *GASP* Bizzleheimer! It's been years, man! How are you holding up?!
Sam sweeps the flustered Magikoopa up for a bear hug.
Wizenheimer: I'm holding up well! And the name is Wizenheimer!
Sam: Oh man, I missed you! How are Kranken and the gang holding up?
Wizenheimer: They've actually all rented out a large apartment complex to themselves! They're content with their lives now, but... well, I kinda miss interviewing, especially since I only got to do it once.
Sam: Well, I hate to break it to you buddy, but I'm not having any more interviews soon. This took a ton of money to do, and without Lemmy's support it'll be some time before I do another one!
Wizenheimer: Funny you should say that Sam, because I have some good news for you! I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy through a bagel delivery boy that knows another guy who can set us up with regular interviews again! However...
Wizenheimer: He's only willing to fund us on one condition.
Sam: So what's that?
Wizenheimer: You gotta interview one of the most hated abominations in this universe... Pink Gold Peach.
Sam's eye twitches.
Sam: That thing, eh? You know what though? I'm willing to do it if it means doing more interviews again! You willing to pitch in?
Wizenheimer: But of course!
The two embrace again.
Sam: I freaking love you, man! Nice having you back!
Wizenheimer: Same here kiddo, same here.
(Author's Note: Man oh MAN I had fun writing this! I miss doing interviews the most from anything in Lemmy's Land, I had so much fun thinking of what to ask characters and the like! Needless to say, I'm totally doing a lot of these again.)
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