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|STUART interviews JERRY
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|Author:||Sam [ Fri Jun 19, 2015 12:59 am ]|
|Post subject:||STUART interviews JERRY|
(Want to get into that Lemmy's Land spirit? Listen to this while reading: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMJZQGwDcSI)
Over at a local theater in Shroom Ridge, Sergei and Lee can be seen ushering audience members into their seats while Marie fiddles around with camera equipment. Backstage, Polly, Sam, Geoff, Wizenheimer, and Stuart are all gathered in a circle.
Sam: Alright guys, Jerry should arrive here shortly, in five minutes if I'm correct! So who's handling today's interview?
Geoff: Either Sergei or Stuart. They're the only members of the crew who haven't done a solo interview yet!
Stuart: Ooh, ohh! Hey boss, I want to do it! Please?
Polly: Well, it appears that situation went by smoothly.
Geoff: Indeed it did Polly, ya lovely little fungus-head, you! I didn't even have to threaten to take away his naptime privileges! Kevin, take some notes!
Wizenheimer: ...alright, look: I promised that I'd stop getting on people's cases for butchering my name. But seriously, that wasn't even CLOSE!
Geoff: Hate to break to you Calvin, but ya can't get all riled up over it! We have an interview in four, so chop chop!
Wizenheimer: Why ya dirty old....
Stuart: Oh yay! My first solo interview, oh I can feel the butterflies coming up!
Marie: Alright ya'll, we're goin' live in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
Mr. Announcer: Coming to you loud and proud from Shroom Ridge's local theater, HEEEEEEEEERE'S Stuart!
Stuart: Hello all of you beautiful people, and welcome to-
Geoff: Geoff's Interview Show!
Sam: Hey! You're not Lemmy!
Geoff: I know, but I've gotta remind these people who's in charge, ya know what I'm saying?
Stuart: Anyway, as my boss said: welcome to his interview show! I'm your host Stuart, and today we have quite an obscure interviewee with us today! He hails all the way from Plumpbelly Village over on the far off Strudel continent and served as Luigi's token Bob-Omb partner, give it up for Jerry!
Jerry the cherry-shaped Bob-Omb just stares off into space, his eyes somewhat glazed over.
Stuart: Um, Jerry? Is everything okay? You look kind of out of it.
Jerry: Oh, sorry. I'm just thinking... thinking about truly awful and horrifying memories that I wish I could repress and never look back onto again.
Stuart: Oh, now that's a pity! Do you think that we could make them all better if we discussed them?
Jerry: Well, some people say that discussing traumatic events can help one to overcome them... yeah, sure. I'll talk.
Stuart: Well that is truly excellent indeed! So Jerry: first off I want to ask how your trip here went! Was everything to your liking, was it smooth and safe?
Jerry: For the most part yeah, but I was also sent running the airport on short notice since I thought that the interview was going to be back home. I don't like last minute changes of plans.
Sam: I'm so sorry, Jerry! Seriously man, I totally didn't have the fact that we were separated by a sea taken into account when I set this up!
Jerry: Eh, it's no big deal. I got here nice and safe, so everything's fine.
Sam: Alright then!
Stuart: Alright, so we're going to move on to the big, exciting questions! Jerry, I heard that you experienced some sort of traumatic experience during your adventure with Luigi. What exactly was that event exactly? It must have been pretty bad given your attitude at the moment!
Jerry: Well you see... oh boy...
Stuart: If you don't want to talk about it, we can move on to another topic! Would you like to do that, buddy?
Jerry: No, NO! The world NEEDS to know what happened! After all, those who forget their mistakes are doomed to repeat them! Okay... I'll talk. You see, when Luigi swung by my village when he was hunting for pieces of that compass thingy, we were getting terrorized by a giant snake named Hizza. Two heads, had a thing for devouring young beautiful maidens, nasty stuff. But not as nasty as what was to pass... you see, the mayor's daughter was up next to be sacrificed to Hizza, and he was wigging out pretty badly. Understandable, right? Well, Luigi being the nice guy he is decided to step in and help, and I didn't have a problem with that at first. But his idea of help...
Jerry: He... he dressed up as a bride. White dress, veil, everything. And let me tell you, that snake wasn't all that scary when put up against... that.
Stuart: Whoo! I suppose that you have a fear of crossdressers, huh?
Jerry: No, only men dressed up as brides. His mustache, his attitude...
Jerry's eyes go blank as he gets lost in a flashback. Jerry and Blooey, Luigi's orange-burned Blooper partner are sitting on a bench while Luigi's in a dressing room. They sit in silence for a bit until the door is opened, and Luigi steps out clad in that infamous dress.
Luigi: Heya guys, I'm all dressed up and ready to go!
Blooey gags while Jerry stares in horror.
Blooey: Why. WHY are you doing this?
Luigi: That snake thing eats lovely young maidens, right? Well if I dress myself up as one, he'll mistake me for one and let me right into his lair! Ingenious, huh?
Blooey: You look like a moron, that's what! Come on, can't we fight this thing like normal people?
Jerry is simply staring, rooted in place. he tries to speak, but his mind goes blank.
Luigi: Oh, hush you! You're just jealous because you can't pull off a dress like I can! And speaking of that...
Luigi sashays over to a mirror, and poses, smirking while he places a hand on his hip.
Luigi: Man, I swear that I fill this thing out way too nicely! It should be against the law to look this lovely!
Blooey gags once again while Jerry tumbles onto the floor, trembling violently while Luigi continues posing in the mirror.
Blooey: Oh god, JERRY! Jerry, speak to me man!
Jerry continues convulsing on the floor, stuttering violently.
Luigi: Oh no! Jerry, hang in there! I'll get you fixed in a jiffy!
Luigi runs off in search of a Life Shroom, leaving Blooey and Jerry alone.
Blooey: Come on man, you have to tell me what's wrong!
Jerry passes out on the floor.
Jerry shudders as he's bought back to earth.
Jerry: The way he acted... it was horrifying. His behavior and appearance in that dress... no one deserves to be traumatized like I was. No one, not even that Crepe dude who betrayed us.
Stuart: So regarding Luigi... do you hate him for this? Do you regret your journey with him?
Jerry: Look... Luigi is a good guy. he really is. When you get past the dress thing, he's pretty alright: good sense of justice, a bit of a wimp but willing to pull his weight when the situation calls for it, makes a mean sausage pizza., and heck, just being able to see the world was cool in its own right. But the wedding dress was seriously unnecessary and having him put one on should never happen again, and I have no idea why he was so hung up on that idea.
Stuart: Look, Jerry. We're all past the bad bits! No more dress nonsense! From this point on, I think we'll cover all the other important stuff NOT pertaining to... well, you know.
Stuart: No problem! So, what exactly is your job over in Plumpbelly Village?
Jerry: Well, I'm a fireworks technician. You want to see all sorts of awesome explosive lights decorate the night sky during a party? I'm your man.
Stuart: Ooh, now that's pretty cool! I've always liked watching fireworks shows... But that's neither here nor there! So Jerry, you were a partner of Luigi's, right?
Jerry: Yup. Teamed up with him to put an end to that Hizza guy. Don't you already know that?
Stuart: Hey, I wasn't finished! The real question was that if his adventure was a Paper Mario game, what would your stats be?
Jerry: Oh. Well then, when I first joined up with Luigi, I would have had 15 HP. Once I got upgraded to the Super rank, my HP shot up to 25. And once I hit Ultra-
Jerry: Nope. Just 30. Kind of underwhelming but whatever.
Stuart: Ah. So going off of that, what would your abilities be?
Jerry: I'm a Bob-Omb, so you get three guesses as to what I would do on the field.
Stuart: Play a soothing piano melody! Nah, you'd blow up cracked walls of course!
Jerry: Yep. As for my abilities in a battle, my starting moves would be Cherry Bomb and Double Cherry: Cherry Bomb is my basic attack which is basically your typical self-destruct that us Bob-Ombs are famous for. Except that it produces a fireworks effect, which has a small chance of dizzying an enemy. Uses no FP. Fun times. Double Cherry is another exploding attack, but it's followed up by a spiral dive onto the targeted enemy's head. It uses 3 FP. Now when I get leveled up to Super Rank, I'd get Short Fuse, which raises my attack power by two stages but also deals 2 damage every time I attack for three turns, and uses 5 FP. Kinda costly and risky to use, but that attack boost... man. And my Ultra Rank attack would be Fireworks Display, where I blow all enemies up with fireworks for massive damage with a chance of dizzying. Basically Cherry Bomb on steroids, and it costs 9 FP.
Stuart: Whoo, you sound like quite the capable battler! So I'm curious: what species call Plumpbelly Village home? Is it just Bob-Ombs, or what?
Jerry: Fruit-shaped Bob-Ombs like myself are the largest group of natives living in the village, but there are also several Toads and a few Wafflers living there. Wafflers are basically like Toads, only with waffle-stack caps in place of mushroom ones.
Stuart: You mentioned multiple fruit-shaped Bob-Ombs: what types call Plumpbelly Village home?
Jerry: Well, there are cherry ones like me, duh. Then, we've got lemon Bob-Ombs, apple Bob-Ombs, lime Bob-Ombs, orange Bob-Ombs, and watermelon Bob-Ombs. Apples are the most common, with us cherries being the least common.
Stuart: So out of your friends on the adventure, who would you say is the one closest to you?
Jerry: Closest to me, huh? I'd say Blooey. He too knows the pain of seeing Luigi as a bride, and helped me get through some of the pain. We still talk once a week over the phone, and I'd say that he's the only partner from that adventure who I'm still in contact with.
Stuart: And for one last question, what was your favorite memory of your adventure? I think that we all can guess what your least favorite moment was!
Jerry: Scaling Hatesong Tower was without a doubt the best moment in the adventure. The atmosphere was intense, fighting against the demon things that infested that place was a lot of fun, and I don't think I was ever as hyped as I was when we stood our ground against Crepe in his nightmare demon form thing.
Stuart: Alright then, let's move on to audience questions! Seat 32!
Gourmet Guy: Hey uh... Mister Cherry Guy? Do you taste good?
Jerry: Sorry to disappoint you fat dude, but us Fruit Bob-Ombs taste exactly the same as normal ones: metallic with a hint of gunpowder.
Gourmet Guy: Aw...
Stuart: Seat 51!
Beezo: So Jerry, what would the average day in your life be like?
Jerry: I just hang around the village, relaxing at my leisure. I have a pretty neat hammock set up outside of my fireworks shop that I like to take naps in, and on warm summer days I like spending my time at a nearby lake. Real nice and peaceful, and no one bothers you. On birthdays, graduations, and holidays, I think it's obvious that I get pretty busy in crafting fireworks for the festivities.
Stuart: Seat 15!
Biddybug: Did you ever read the Super Luigi books that were written about your journey? And if so, did you enjoy them?
Jerry: The books were pretty overblown, with some details glossed over. heck, Screamy was never even mentioned for crying out loud. But I guess they were still pretty enjoyable to read since Luigi wasn't the only one made out to be this fearless, unstoppable hero. I was called a warrior, and that's pretty cool. I'd check it out if you're into mindless, yet fun adventure stories.
Stuart: Last question! Seat 84!
Spirit Who Loves Surprises: SURPRISE!
After a flash of light, Sam who can be seen sitting in the front row is now clad in a wedding dress and veil over his Shy Guy decor.
Sam: Whoa! What in the- I'm a bride!
Geoff: And quite a beautiful one if I do say so myself, Samarino! Come on, take a look in this mirror!
Geoff hands Sam a mirror in which he checks himself out in.
Sam: Whoo! Dude, I'm not one for crossdressing and all... but I think I kinda like this!
Jerry: No. NO. NOOOOOOOOOO! NOT AGAIN, I REFUSE TO WATCH THIS HAPPEN A SECOND TIME!
Jerry leaps off the stage and leaves the theater in a hurry, gagging all the way.
Stuart: Well... I guess that concludes our interview for tonight! Whoo, wasn't that something?
The audience leaves, awkwardly silent while Sam continues striking poses with Geoff and Marie looking on cheerfully.
Sam: Come on guys, you have to admit that I am TOO good looking for this dress!
Marie: Whew! I reckon you'd make a right pretty Shy Gal if ya know what I'm sayin'!
Geoff: I'd say he's pretty enough already!
Stuart: Well this is awkward.
Wizenheimer walks out form backstage, stretching and yawning as he does so.
Wizneheimer: Hey, what's all the ruckus? Can't a guy get some sleep in-
He stops cold as he looks at Sam, who blushes coyly.
Sam: Well hey, Wizenheimer! You like the new look?
Wizenheimer: ...I don't even wanna know.
As he rolls his eyes and walks back behind stage, Marie's camera spontaneously combusts, thus ending the transmission.
Marie: Ya know somethin', Geoff?
Marie: We're gonna need cameras that are longer lastin' than this.
(Author's Note: Not much to say here, other than I like interviewing obscure characters like Jerry, and his trauma at the hands of bride Luigi helped him stand out in my mind.)
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