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It is currently Sat Sep 30, 2023 11:10 pm

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 Post subject: SAM interviews KANGAROO
PostPosted: Sat Feb 04, 2023 1:45 am 
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(Want to get into that Lemmy's Land spirit? Listen to this while reading: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLRo9_ikz3w)

Sam's interview crew has set up shop at an outdoor theater on the outskirts of Moonview Highway. Sergei and Stuart are ushering people into folding chairs while Lee strains as he pushes an odd, misshapen, unblinking kangaroo onstage. Marie, Polly, and Wizenheimer are all eyeballing it nervously while Sam keeps looking from Geoff, to the kangaroo, and back to Geoff.

Sam: Uh... Geoff?

Geoff: Yeah?

Sam: I am interviewing this thing, right? There wasn't a mixup in the paperwork?

Geoff: Mixup in the paperwork?! Sheesh, I thought ya had way more faith in Polly than that!

Sam: No, it's just- I mean- I'm not really sure if she's... clinically alive, you know?

The Kangaroo flops right over on her side, causing a swearing Lee to slowly push her back onto her feet.

Geoff: Of course she's alive! She helped Yoshi all those years ago, didn't she?

Sam: Yeah, but I mean... Yoshi's Island DS was kind of vague. For all we know, she's a robot, or some kind of automated plush toy!

Geoff: Trust me, pal: she is alive, thus you WILL interview her! Now get up on stage, Mr. Announcer's gonna introduce you any second now!

Sam: Alright, alright! Don't bite my head off, man!

A few minutes later...

Mr. Announcer: Coming to you loud and proud from Moonview Highway, HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S SAM!

Sam: Hey, party people! Welcome to Lemmy's Interview Show! I'm Sam, your host for today! And I've gotta say: Plit is home to all sorts of weird creatures, isn't it? You've got sentient suns terrorizing the world's deserts, evil mammoth skeletons haunting Star Hill, actual flesh-and-blood T. Rexes living in remote corners of the world! But today's guest is probably weirder still than any of those! So why don't we give a warm welcome to... this kangaroo!

The audience claps enthusiastically for the Kangaroo, who doesn't react in the slightest. No blinking, no breathing, nothing.

Sam: So, Miss Kangaroo! It's a pleasure to have you here! As someone who always thought Yoshi's Island DS was underrated, it's nice to be able to interview one of its unsung heroes! So do you mind giving a quick rundown of your role in that game to the audience?

Kangaroo: ...hullo.

Sam: Oh my god, you can talk! Ha, I guess Geoff did know what he was talking about after all...

Kangaroo: Y'mean that bandit fella? Noice guy. I like 'im.

Sam: Well that's nice and all, but let's get back on topic: you want to talk about your role in Yoshi's Island DS?

Kangaroo: Shore. I 'elped ferry Yoshi across a few levels. Nine of 'em I think: Mario's Fleet Feet and Windblown Wilderness.

Sam: Um... that's two, though.

Kangaroo: Yeah, seventeen. Loike I said.

Sam's eyes widen in shock, while Marie peeks out from behind her camera looking just as flabbergasted.

Sam: ...did your mom drop you on your head as a Joey, by any chance?

Kangaroo: Yup.

Sam: That... explains a lot. But anyway, what were you doing so far from the Australian Outback? Are kangaroos native to Yoshi's Island as well?

Kangaroo: I was on 'oliday.

Sam: Short and too the point, huh? Anyway, what inspired you to help the Yoshis and the babies they were ferrying across the island?

Kangaroo: They was nice fellas 'oo needed help gettin' across the island. And since they needed 'elp, I 'elped 'em. Simple as.

Sam: How does it feel knowing that the babies you helped would grow up to be world famous heroes?

Kangaroo: Real noice. I 'ope Link and Superman remember me.

Sam facepalms and sighs.

Sam: I... but... ANYWAY, you look a lot... different than most kangaroos. Is there a reason for that, or do Plit's kangaroos just look different than Earth's?

The kangaroo falls over on her side and lays on the ground unmoving. Lee immediately hops onstage and slowly pushes her back onto her feet.

Sam: Thanks, Lee.

Lee: YOU'RE WELCOME, SIR! Now stay on your feet you sorry excuse of a marsupial, or I'll kick your keister all the way to Ayer's Rock!

Sam: But anyway, Miss Kangaroo? Did you understand the question?

Kangaroo: Yup.

Sam: So uh... mind telling me why you look so weird?

Kangaroo: Found a yellow barrel full'o broight green syrup back when I was livin' in 'Straya. Drank it all up. Tasted good, though it burned me 'till I looked a bit diff'rent.

Sam: Oh, Australia. You never cease to amaze me! And horrify me. Anyway, that's a roomy pouch you've got there, Miss Kangaroo! Has a joey ever known the comfort of said roomy pouch?

Kangaroo: Hmm. I think I 'ad a Joey...

Sam: You... you THINK?

Kangaroo: Yeah. I think I did. Maybe. Yeah! Sold 'im to some hillbilly tourists fer a pack'o gum.

Sam: ...

Kangaroo: It was good gum. Spearmint, I think.

Sam: I have no words. Audience, let's turn the questions over to you! Seat FASTESTTURTLEALIVE!

Koopa the Quick: How does it feel, having your homeland represented in Mario Kart?

Kangaroo: Sidney Sprint, roight? Feels noice. Luv that track.

Sam: Seat IMADRAGONLETMEASKYOUANYTHING!

Bahamutt: Is Yoshi's Kangaroo costume from Mario Kart Tour a reference to you?

Kangaroo: I 'unno. Never played Tour. 'Ate mobile games, 'ate phones. Simple as.

Sam: Seat POKERFACE!

Dark Bristle: What's with the accent? You sound nothing like an Australian!

Kangaroo: Forgot 'ow to do the accent. My bad.

Sam: ...seat BOUNCYBALLOFBLUBBER!

Shiverian: What's the highest you can jump, Miss Kangaroo?

Kangaroo: Hmm. I 'unno. Let's see.

The kangaroo bounces once, then twice, then three times, steadily jumping higher each time. She hits the ground and flattens herself like a pancake, building up power for her fourth bounce. After a few seconds of building up strength, she finally bounces. And she bounces so high and with so much power that she blasts into the sky, breaks out of orbit, and rockets into outer space, never to be seen again. The only trace of her existence is a misshapen kangaroo constellation that suddenly manifests in wake of her ascension.

Sam: ...well that's one way to end an interview. Thanks for having us, folks! Even if the audience questions got cut unexpectedly short, we still had a good time!

Mr. Announcer: And with that, let's close things off with a song! Goodnight, Plit!

A jaunty jazz piece signals the end of the interview. The audience leaves, and Sam's interview crew begins packing up for their next stop on the road.

Marie: Alright, camera. I'm turning you off all nice and gentle-like. Don't explode, don't catch on fire, don't git eaten by a random monster...!

Suddenly the kangaroo bursts forth from the lens, destroying the camera and ending the transmission.

Kangaroo: I'm back! Space was fun. I'm hungry.

She wanders off towards a vending machine while Marie looks on in utter shock.

(Author's Note: WELL. 7+ years after my last interview, and I've realized that there was actually a bigger gap in time between the Jerry interview and this one than my last Lemmy's Land interview and the first one here. Crazy to think that this much time has passed! Anyway, I feel like I should've gone with a character from Mario Odyssey for an interview, but I found that random kangaroo from Yoshi's Island DS to be just too fascinating to pass up. I seriously wonder what her deal is, since she's so bizarre looking and fell off the face of the Earth after her brief time in the sun. Anyway, I'll still be posting interviews here every now and then but I also want to get back to posting proper fanfiction! More on that later... ;) )


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