Stardust Fields Forums

(Note: You want to get into that Lemmy's Land spirit? Listen to this while reading the interview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNMy4DKKDFA)

Announcer: Coming to you loud and proud from his studio here in Mushroom City, heeeeeeeere's Sam! And Wizenheimer.

The audience seems very lively as Sam and Wizenheimer plop down onto two comfy armchairs. They notice a rather suspicious-looking Bandit wearing brown robes and a matching bowler hat in the front of the audience giving them a weird grin as he lights up a cigar.

Sam (Whispering): So that's...?

Wizenheimer: The guy who the bagel delivery boy for a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy?

Sam: ...sure.

Wizenheimer: Oh yeah! His name's Geoff, and he's here to see how the interview goes. If we do good enough, he's thinking about letting us become a part of his interview team!

Sam: Alright, so let's not screw up then!

Wizenheimer: Precisely.

As they say this, a motorcycle crashes through the studio window as what can only be described as a pink metallic Princess Peach on a matching motorbike glides in with a hang glider. She lands perfectly on the stage and disembarks, Giving a cute smile to Sam and Wizenheimer as she sashays over to her seat, Sam's mask holes can be seen turning into hearts as his actual mask somehow develops blush-lines.

Sam: Uh huh huh huh...

Wizenheimer: What in the world is up with you?

Sam: Oh nothing man, nothing... you see, I never played as Pink Gold Peach so I never knew how well she rocked a biker jumpsuit until now... I think I'm in love...

Wizenheimer grits his teeth and stomps hard on Sam's foot.

Sam: OW! What's your problem?!

Wizenheimer: My problem?! What about yours?! She's a freaking metal... thing!

Sam: Oh come on man, don't talk about her like that!

Wizenheimer: Um, didn't you consider her to be THE worst Mario Kart character ever?

Sam: Look man, maybe that was a premature, reactionary kind of decision-

Pink Gold Peach: [b]Look boys, that discussion you two are having is real interesting, but we can we please go back to the interview? I mean golly, we haven't even started yet![/b]

Sam: Oh right, right! I'm so sorry! *ahem* Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you're all having a fantastic evening tonight, because I know I am!

Bowser: Gwa hah, I bet you totally are what with you fawning over pinky and all!

Sam: Okay, less comments from the peanut gallery, okay?

Wizenheimer: waves his wand and gives Sam a light jolt with it.

Wizenheimer (whispering): Look Sam, normally I wouldn't mind if we screwed around, but we're being scouted out at the moment so PLEASE try to act professionally? Ya got it?

Sam: Yow! Oh yes indeed I've got it! So ANYWAY, I've got a certain beautiful someone who I know is quite the... controversial choice amongst the Mario Kart crowd, everyone give a biiiiiig welcome to Pink Gold Peach!

King Boo: BAH! A curse upon your house you evil hunk of steel!

Funky: Man, talk about LAME! You always gave me bad vibes, you catch my drift?

Bowser Jr: How did YOU get in but not me?! THIS STINKS!

The cut trio begin to pelt Pink Gold Peach with hammers and tin cans, but thanks to her metallic body, she giggles as she shrugs them off.

Sam: So may I just say that you look ravishing tonight? I mean, I'd never expect a metallic person to look anywhere near as beautiful as you do.

Pink Gold Peach: [b]*giggles* Oh, you're far too kind! I have to say you're kinda cute yourself![/b]

Sam: She... she called me cute! *sigh*... ACK! I actually need to start asking questions, do I? So I want to ask something that I'm sure was on everyone's mind regarding you... what or who exactly ARE you? I mean, are you just a clone of Peach, or some kind of odd robotic creation that's meant to resemble her? Are you from some kind of metallic dimension, just what exactly is your story?

Pink Gold Peach: [b]Your last guess was right on the money, actually! You see, I hail from a dimension where everything is metal. EVERYTHING! The sky, the water, the food, the people, the grass, even the air we breathe is metallic![/b]

Wizenheimer: And I take it you're the princess of said realm?

[b]Pink Gold Peach: *giggles* No, silly! Do you see “Princess” anywhere in my name?[/b]

Wizenheimer: What are you talking about, I mean you wear a crown, normally a poofy princess gown, the whole shebang!

Pink Gold Peach: [b]Ah, I see you're pretty confused, I'm so sorry! I forgot to mention another big thing about my home dimension: everyone who lives there has a double here on Plit who lives the opposite life of what we live in the Metallic Dimension! For example, I'm just a lowly servant while the kingdom is ruled by White Peridot Toad![/b]

Wizenheimer: Wait a minute, freakin' TOAD runs your kingdom?! Ha ha, oh man Lord Bowser must have so much fun stomping all over him!

Pink Gold Peach: [b]Again, Bowser isn't a conquering King in our universe! Instead, he just lives a quiet life over in Dark Land having his own adventures when things go bad. Our evil king is Brown Ruby Donkey Kong![/b]

Wizenheimer: That big ol' smelly ape is the evil king there? Well who'da figured?

Sam: Anyway, how did you come across this dimension anyway? Special Warp Pipe, or one of those fancy-schmancy Sub Con doors?

Pink Gold Peach: [b]A warp pipe, yes![/b]

Wizenheimer: So far you've only been a part of Mario Kart 8. Do you particularly like racing? I mean, there was that whole thing where you entered on a gliding motorbike...

Pink Gold Peach: [b]Oh, I love racing! Whenever I don't have a lot of work to do, I go and tear up racetracks with karts in my spare time! When I ended up here in the Mushroom Kingdom and learned of that upcoming eight Mario Kart tournament, how could I NOT sign up for that? Let me tell you, you're not really living life unless you're feeling the cool wind against your metallic body while speeding down a raceway...[/b]

Sam: So, do you have any other activities you like to engage in besides kart racing?

Pink Gold Peach: [b]Well let's see, there's basketball, soccer, partying, swimming...[/b]

Sam immediately imagines Pink Gold Peach in a bikini, and gives a love-sick sigh.

Pink Gold Peach: [b]...moonlit walks on the beach, camping, and of course adventuring every now and then! Um... are you okay?[/b]

Wizenheimer: Oh geez Louise...

He gives Sam another mild shock with his wand to wake him up from his fantasy world.

Sam: YEOWCH! Uh, sorry there your majesty! I was just thinking about how lovely it must be, taking a stroll with you while seeing the pale moonlight reflected off of your wonderfully shiny body...

Pink Gold Peach: [b]*giggles* Oh, you are such a little gentleman![/b]

Wizenheimer: Oh for Pete's sake... look, this has been fascinating and all, but I think I'll do one more question before we move on to the audience: So does Gold Mario or Metal Mario hail from your dimension?

Pink Gold Peach: [b]Metal Mario, he's still a hero, but pretty much plays second banana to Blue Emerald Luigi, his big brother![/b]

Sam: Well, I guess it's time for the audience questions now! Seat 7!

King Boo: How does it feel robbing someone of their rightful Mario Kart spot, you evil metallic abomination!

Pink Gold Peach: [b]Stole? I didn't steal your spot in the roster, you just didn't make the cut![/b]

King Boo: But you and a bunch of babies did? Makes perfect sense to me.

Pink Gold Peach: [b]Look, complain all you like, but at least I'm not Tanooki Mario or Cat Peach![/b]

King Boo: ...eh, fair enough. OF ALL THE THINGS THAT COULD HAVE MADE IT IN LATER, WHY THEM?!!!

Wizenheimer: Alright, you look super bitter there your spookiness! I'm moving on: seat HYRULE!

Link: HYAGH! TEHG! SYAAAAAAAH!

Sam and Wizenheimer: …

Pink Gold Peach: [b]I'm sorry dear, I can't quite speak Hylian that well![/b]

Navi: I can translate! He wants to know if you're looking forward to tearing it up on the racetrack when he comes in to the upcoming Mario Kart tournament?

Pink Gold Peach: [b]*giggles* Of course I am! It would be an honor to race alongside Hyrule's biggest hero![/b]

King Boo: Oh dear lord, LINK is invited?! But he's not even a Mario character! That little...

Sam: Alright, you're getting really out of hand, King Boo. Security!

Luigi comes by and sucks in the bitter washed up Mario Kart veteran in the Poltergust.

Sam: Alright, that ought to make things more bearable. Seat MONEYNGARLIC!

Wario: Hey Pinkie, about how much would you be worth if you could be sold as a treasure or something?

Pink Gold Peach: [b]What an interesting question! I'd say... somewhere for around 500,000 coins? I'm sorry, I'm not too good with math.[/b]

Wario: Wahahaha! Works for me!

Wario rushes onstage and throws a bag over Pink Gold Peach's head and tries to make a run for it, only for Wizenheimer to turn him into a frog causing him to let the Princess go.

Wario: What the- HEY!

Pink Gold Peach: [b]What a foul little man you are! Get him out of here, someone![/b]

Luigi inhales Frog Wario in his vacuum and launches him out a window.

Wario: YOU ROTTEN STINKING LITTLE CHEATER!

Wizenheimer: Alright, things are getting long-winded and twisted so I'm going to wrap things up here: Seat IMADRAGONAMA

Rex: Hey lady, got any questions you'd like to ask a genuine dragon?

Wizenheimer: Oh for Pete's sake, the whole point is that YOU ask the questions!

Rex: But did you see my seat name?

Wizenheimer: Yeah. I don't care. Ask something or get out of here.

Rex: Alright then! How come all these people in your dimension are named after colored gold or metal, but Mario is just plain Metal Mario?

Pink Gold Peach: [b]I'm not too sure myself! I guess it comes from him being born in Metallic Brooklyn or something? Doesn't explain Luigi though...[/b]

Sam: And with that... we're finished! I hope all of you had the time of your lives tonight because I sure did! Pink Gold Peach, I have to say you were a fantastic guest to have here, you are just such a lovely woman!

Pink Gold Peach: [b]Aw, no need to thank me! Of course it helps that you're a pretty fantastic little gentleman as well! Now how's about a quick gift before I leave back for the racetrack?[/b]

Sam: A gift? What do you mean by gift?

Pink Gold Peach walks over to Sam and gives him a kiss on the cheek. He turns beet red as this happens.

Sam: Huh huh... thank you...

Sam passes out with hearts circling his head.

Pink Gold Peach: [b]And uh, Whoseitheimer is it?[/b]

Wizenheimer: No, it's Wizardheimer! Remember the name!

Pink Gold Peach: [b]Oh, how rude of me to get your name wrong! I hope this will make things better![/b]

She gives Wizenheimer a kiss on the cheek as well, causing him to flinch a bit due to her cold lips.

Wizenheimer: Well uh... that was different. Anyway, you have a fantastic night!

Sam gets up and gets his head on straight.

Sam: Same for you, audience! Same for you indeed!

Pink Gold Peach goes and walks her motorcycle out of the studio while Sam gives a long, lingering glance at her rear while she leaves.

Wizenheimer: Dude, what in the world is the matter with you?!

Sam: What?

Wizenheimer: I swear you have THE weirdest taste in women.

While the two argue, you can hear more clapping as the Bandit from earlier approaches the two while chomping down on his cigar..

Geoff: I gotta hand it to ya, great work you guys! That interview had everything: slapstick humor, odd tastes in romantic partners, an unruly audience... Man oh man am I thrilled to be hiring you!

Wizenheimer: Whoo! Now that's what I like to hear!

Sam: Oh thank you... Geoff's the name right?

Geoff: Yup! And it's nice to work with you, kiddo!

Sam: So uh, when do we start?

Geoff: Soon, actually! You'll be able to hold interviews regularly with large and diverse cast just like the good old days! All I'm gonna ask is for you to give me some patience, because the next person I want us to interview... er, how do I put it... well, it'll be some time before we get her here!

Sam: Oh that's fine! Whoa re we bringing in anyway?

Geoff: Well my little friend, all I'm telling you is she's royalty!

Sam: Royalty eh... well, I don't mind handling that at all! So thank you, Geoff! I can't wait to work with you and your posse!

Wizenheimer: Man, I need to start talking more with those guys I know who know other guys, I might get some cool stuff like this again!

(Author's Note: Just so you know, I do NOT have a weird crush on Pink Gold Peach or anything, just thought it would be funny to write about. I never liked her, but I do say she's a bit better than freaking Tanooki Mario and Cat Peach... but we're getting Link, Villager, and Isabele DLC so I'm not complaining!)