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PostPosted: Mon Nov 03, 2014 9:49 am 

Joined: Thu Oct 30, 2014 3:24 pm
Posts: 41
(Want to get into that Lemmy's Land Spirit? Listen to this while reading:

Before the interview, Sam walks on stage where Wizenheimer can be seen arguing frantically with Geoff while a large, particularly beefy, scarred Boom Boom is moving a large coffin on stage while a bunch of odd looking people in shadowy hoods are painting a large complex set of circles on the ground.

Wizenheimer: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! This is incredibly dangerous!

Geoff: Aw, simmer down there sport! I told you I've got this all under control! Now you oughta move out of the way so my boy Sergei can set the coffin down!

Sergei: If you no move out of way, I tear you to pieces, Magikoopa!

Sam: Well how do you do, fellow interviewers! What seems to be the problem?

Geoff: Well, I decided to get the Shadow Queen over here for an interview, but Wizenheimer here is freaking out like a little baby!

Sam: The Shadow Queen eh? That's coo- WAIT A SECOND. You... you don't mean THE Shadow Queen, right?

Geoff: Well duh, what other Shadow Queen could I be talking about?

Sam: Look, I think I agree with Wizenheimer here, don't you think this is a bad idea?

Geoff: ...nope. Look, there's no way she'll be as powerful as she was when she was last resurrected, we already have several things in place to keep her from killing everyone! First off, look at those cultists!

While Sergei the Boom Boom drops the coffin in the dead center of the circle, some of the cultists look up from lighting candles and wave at Sam.

Geoff: These guys will not only summon the Shadow Queen, but use a certain spell to restrain her! And if that doesn't work...

He points over to the back of the room where a squad of Snifits are laying in wait with a camoflauge robed Snifit wearing an army helmet is in the middle of the group.

Geoff: You ready to fire, Lee?

Lee: You bet your keister I am! The second I see ANY kind of suspicious movement from that demon, the boys and I are gonna reduce her to nothing more than shadowy dust!

Geoff: And if that all fails... well, I rigged the room to blow in case if all the other methods don't work.

Sam: You'll kill us all then!

Geoff: Look, you worry too much! Everything is gonna be alright, just stay calm, maybe splash some water on yer face, and cheer up! We're gonna do the interview in about five, alright?

Wizenheimer: Well I'm not gonna sit around and wait to die, I'm outta here!

Geoff: Wait a minute Whatshisface! If you walk out that door, you're fired!

Wizenheimer: First, it's Wizenheimer! Second, try stopping me!

Wizenheimer teleports out of the studio, leaving a flabbergasted Geoff behind.

Geoff: Huh. Talk about having some gumption! The only person on my crew who has defied me was my cute little assistant Polly!

Sam: Polly?

Geoff: That cute Toad girl we've got doing paperwork, she's a real hard worker alright!

Meanwhile, Polly, a red-haired Toad woman wearing a black business suit and horn-rimmed glasses is shown snoring into a stack of papers.

Geoff: Oh that Polly, what a hard worker! And speaking of hard work, you better get ready because the interview starts... NOW!

Announcer: Coming to you loud and proud from his studio here in Mushroom City, heeeeeeeere's Sam and his new boss Geoff!

There's no applause, as the audience is staring at the Shadow Queen's coffin and the surrounding cultists worriedly.

Geoff: Well hello hello hello, welcome, I say WELCOME to Geoff's interview show!

Sam: Wait, GEOFF'S interview show?

Geoff: Well yeah, YOU signed up to work for me after all!

Sam: Oh well, sure.

Geoff: Anyway, I see a lot of you guys eyeing that coffin suspiciously! I can see you all asking yourselves, “Goeff, why are you so handsome? But also, what's in that coffin?” Well ladies and gentlemen, I can tell you that it's gonna be one heck of a show! You want to announce who it is, Sam?

Sam: Alright, but I'm warning you, you guys aren't gonna like this: it's the Shadow Queen.

As expected, the audience freaks out and stampedes the door, only to get punched and thrown back by Sergei.

Sergei: Sit down, little girls! Shadow Queen no hurt you, we make sure of that.

Geoff: Look, you think I'd willingly allow you guys to die here in the sanctity of my interview show? Come on, I ain't a bad guy! Look, the Shadow Queen is going to be harmless! Anyway cultists, call her up!

The cultists immediately start to chant a series of creepy words while they join hands. The chanting grows in intensity until suddenly, the candles go from having a normal flame to a pitch-black one. Suddenly, a groaning noise can be heard from the coffin as the lid slides off... revealing...!

Sam: Pft! What is that?!

Arising from the coffin is an incredibly skinny, emaciated looking shadow-woman. Her scraggly faded hair, dull purple skin, new short stature, and lack of a crown make the Shadow Queen almost unrecognizable.

Sam: Holy god, Mario did more of a number to you than I thought he did!

Everyone in the room begins laughing hysterically, even the cultists as they step away from the circle, realizing that there is no need to a protective spell.

Shadow Queen: Silence! SILENCE I SAY! If any of you continue to to mock me, I will feast upon your souls for- OW!

She is pelted with a rock from someone in the audience.

Shadow Queen: Who threw that? I demand to know NOW!

Nothing can be heard from the audience, save a few crickets chirping, a man coughing, and someone farting.

Geoff: Look lady, it's obvious no one sees you as a threat, okay?

Shadow Queen: So I've been resurrected just to be mocked and humiliated by you people?

Geoff: Nah, we just want to ask you a few questions is all.

Shadow Queen: Hmm... fine, I have no choice in the matter, I assume. What do you want to know?

Geoff: Well, I just want to know: What in the world is your problem?

Shadow Queen: Excuse me?

Geoff: Well, I assume you didn't START off as evil. Were you a curious child who got in over her head with dark magic? A desperate woman who turned to dark power in her time of need and became addicted to that power?

Shadow Queen: Muh huh huh huh... how arrogant of you to assume that I was ever a human in the first place... No, I am first and foremost a demon. Conquest, murder, and enslavement come as naturally to me as breathing does.

Sam: Well then, if that's the case, where exactly did you come from then?

Shadow Queen: I was born within a yawning void out in the cold reaches of outer space millions of years ago. When I matured, I left that void and began to drift from planet to planet, enslaving any and all life forms that inhabited those worlds while accumulating treasure and creating monsters to torture the various life-forms with.

Sam: So you're basically an alien invader then?

Shadow Queen: No you fool, I am a demon!

Sam: But you come from outer space and would enslave the people native to those planets... yeah, you're an alien invader!

Shadow Queen: You idiot!

Sam: Hey, I just tell it like it is!

Shadow Queen: Oh ho ho, believe me when I say that if I were not severely weakened, I'd drag you below the depths with my dead hands and torture you for eons and eons of fun!

Sam: Yeah... but until that time comes, I think you better be a little nicer, understand?

Geoff: Alright ladies, break it up, will ya? So Queenie...

Shadow Queen: You will address me as The Shadow Queen, worm! Other proper terms are your grace, your benevolence-

Geoff: Hey, shut up and let me finish, Queenie!

Shadow Queen: ...why me, god? Why? Fine then, ask the question.

Geoff: So did you ever take the treasure with you when you left for other planets?

Shadow Queen: After I had my fun on each planet I visited, I dragged the remaining inhabitants and my own monsters to a terrifying dimension where they will be tortured for all eternity while destroying all treasure I had accumulated until then.

Geoff: Geez, talk about being sick in the head and sick in the heart! I thought you'd at least keep the treasure or something!

Shadow Queen: No, I didn't. It's just to me, it's no fun to keep the treasure I accumulate around when I travel, it's so much more satisfying to start anew on each planet and see how fast I can gather each piece of treasure.

Sam: I guess it's true what Alfred said: some men just want to watch the world burn. So Queenie, I just want to know: how come you left all those other planets empty and barren, yet wanted to set up shop here on Plit seemingly forever?

Shadow Queen: It's simple: I grew bored with going from planet to planet, and Plit just seemed like a nice place to settle down in. It helps it was the next planet I visited when I started to grow bored. So I would always be amused by Plit, I created the Crystal Stars so I could recreate the world in any way I saw fit! They could also recreate life, so I could kill Plit's inhabitants over and over again!

Sam: It's kinda funny though, once you decided to settle down and stay here, those heroes got ya! Sounds like someone got a little arrogant!

Shadow Queen: Yet, I was able to seal their bodies away forever inside of those chests, so who got the last laugh now?

Geoff: Not you! Mario freed them all!

Shadow Queen: WHAT?! They were never supposed to be freed! And on the off-chance they were freed, they were to inflict agonizing curses on those who did!

Geoff: I take it they found a loophole by giving him those awesome paper abilities while treating them like curses!

Shadow Queen: AGH! My revival has been nothing but humiliating! Please let me die in peace!

Geoff: Not until we're done asking you stuff, lady! So, I hear apparently you had a physical body that the heroes destroyed? What exactly did it look like?

Shadow Queen: I do say that I was quite the terrifying sight to behold! I was like a goddess, towering over the insects that called this place home!

Sam: Gonna have to be more specific than that!

Cultist: Hey, have this tapestry of our Goddess!

The Culstist hands over a large scroll that when opened, showed an incredibly tall pale-skinned woman who seemed to be wearing armor fashioned from the cold emptiness of space itself, an enormous crown sat on top of her head and was framed by purple locks that almost looked like a starry night sky.

Geoff: Whoo! You were pretty beautiful, I gotta admit!

Shadow Queen: Trust me, in life my beauty was second to none!

Sam: But now, you're pretty much a washed-up has been! Kinda like Lindsay Lohan if you ask me.

Shadow Queen: And who is she?

Sam: Nobody.

Shadow Queen: Bah, I can smell an insult from miles away. Trust me, what I wouldn't give to strangle you with these hands of mine...

Sam: So, you created those Shadow Sirens in your own image, right? How come they look like your spirit and not your physical form?

Shadow Queen: I wanted them to look a bit more monstrous, if only due to them looking like witches which spread fear in the hearts of the weak-minded back then.

Geoff: It seems like Beldam was fully aware of your plan and I guess Marilyn was as well, how come Vivian was kept in the dark?

Shadow Queen: Beldam was actually the only one I created myself, but I gave her the building blocks to create her sisters with once she felt like it. I can only assume she filled in Marilyn a lot later and kept Vivian unaware of our plan because of personal bias. I'd say she was right, given that Vivian helped out Mario with stopping me!

Sam: So I'm pretty curious, have you ever taken a Shadow King?

Shadow Queen: Hah, I have no use for petty things like love. I did keep a harem full of slaves to... amuse myself with of course.

Geoff: Eesh. So uh, I take it Wizzerds were created by you? They only seemed to be in the Palace of Shadows and the Pit of 100 Trials.

Shadow Queen: Yes they were, but so were many other monsters. What makes them so special?

Geoff: Nothing, I was just kinda wondering since I think those are the only places they appear in.

Sam: I remember as a kid when you were resurrected, the entire world turned dark. Is that an effect your presence causes by default?

Shadow Queen: I thought that was obvious. But yes, I don't intentionally make it happen, it's just a passive effect.

Geoff: I'm kinda worried: are there other aliens like you out there? I mean, if that void's still out there I'm starting to get kinda scared...

Shadow Queen: First of all, I AM A DEMON. Not an alien! Second: to my knowledge no other beings like myself have been born from that void. It is simply a place where primordial chaos spirits swim around in, I just happened to escape and gain sentience.

Sam: You seem confined to this dimension but I could be wrong, have you ever visited and conquered other dimensions?

Shadow Queen: It was on my to-do list, but I never got around to doing so. And even though my spirit still barely exists as you have shown today, due to the beating it took, I will probably never be able to travel again.

Geoff: Trust me when I say that it's for the best! So uh, whenever you offered Mario to join you, did you ever actually intend on letting him serve you?

Shadow Queen: Yes I did... but not in the way he would have thought. I would have trapped his soul in some sort of construct and made him my slave for eternity, doing exactly as I would demand his artificial body to do!

Geoff: Let me guess, that's what's in store for anyone who follows you?

Shadow Queen: Indeed it is.

Sam: Egh, well I'm glad that won't be the case anymore! So one last question before I turn you over to the audience: do you actually have a name? Or did you give yourself the moniker of Shadow Queen?

Shadow Queen: Oh I do have a name, but for the sake of you mortal's fragile hearts and souls, I simply go by the easier to pronounce Shadow Queen.

Sam: *sigh* Let me guess, it's an almost unpronounceable name from an ancient chaotic language that would turn our souls inside-out if we ever heard you say it?

Shadow Queen: Indeed.

Sam: Talk about being kinda cliché!

Geoff: Alright guys, now we're taking YOUR questions for this old has-been over here! Seat IMNOTSTUPID.

Mario: Hey-a Shadow Queen, can you even-a get out from that-a coffin?

Shadow Queen: If I could, I would have minutes ago! You beat me far too badly for me to ever function again!

Mario: Wahoo! Don't take it-a personally-a, I was-a just doing what-a I do-a best!

Shadow Queen hisses at Mario who just laughs at her.

Sam: Alright, down girl! Seat HIIMDAISY!

Daisy: Hey Shadow Queen, you a fan of sports? Y'know, like golfing? Baseball? Tennis?

Shadow Queen: Do I look like the type who amuses herself with petty things like sports- OW!

Daisy lobbed a tennis ball right into her face.

Daisy: Ha ha, you suck!

Shadow Queen: You insolent-!

Sam: That's enough, queenie! Seat 898!

Grodus: Are you aware that I happened to survive our encounter? I'm still just a head, though. :(

Shadow Queen: What?! I fully intended on killing you when you tried to assert dominance over me! I guess I should have just crushed your head like an apple in my hand...

Geoff: Seat 52!

Peter Venkman (Ghostbusters): You wouldn't happen to have any relation to Gozer the Gozerian, eh queenie?

Shadow Queen: I have no earthly idea what you're talking about.

Sam: Looks like otherworldly beings aren't always familiar with one another! Seat 556!

Salvo The Slime: *slosh* *gurgle* *drip*

Shadow Queen: Lucky for you I can speak Slimish! No, I don't have a favorite video game. They are merely time-wasters for mortals who can't do anything better!

Geoff: Last one! Seat 33!

Li'l Oink: *oink* *snort* * sooey!*

Shadow Queen: How many times do I have to tell you that I AM A DEMON, NOT AN ALIEN?! I have never abducted livestock, and I think it is very obvious I had nothing to do with the ship that abducted your brethren last month!

Sam: Well then, we're all done! Now, go back to wherever you came from, wench! You do not belong in this world!

Shadow Queen: I never thought I would say this, but I actually long for death's cold embrace...

The cultists say a few odd words, causing the Shadow Queen to crumble into powder and her coffin lid to close.

Sam: Well now, wasn't that just exciting you guys?

Wizenheimer teleports in.

Wizenheimer: I gotta say, I feel like a grade-A wuss for not staying with you guys after seeing what happened to the queen.

Geoff: See, guys? I know what I was doing! So come on, there's no need to be upset, I'd say for you all to go home, have a nice dinner, and unwind because you all earned it for being such awesome listeners! Good night everyone, and goodnight Plit!

As the audience leaves, Sergei grabs the Shadow Queen's coffin and carries it out with the cultists in tow.

Sam: Man, I have to say that interview went a lot better than I expected! Never would have guessed that the Shadow Queen was a freaking alien of all things!

Geoff: That's parta the fun of interviewing! You learn so many interesting things about people like her, such as her outer space heritage and all that gruesome stuff! So, you trust me when it comes to getting more... exciting guests now?

Sam: I suppose! Same with you Wizenheimer?

Wizenheimer: Hey, thanks for getting my name right! But uh, I'm fired, am I?

Geoff: Nah. You're unfired!

Wizenheimer: Oh yeah! Now that's what I like to hear!

Geoff: So Sam, how's about you take a break with your next interview? I'm kinda willing to let one of my guys interview our next guest.

Sam: Sure! Hey Wizenheimer, you willing to fill in for me?

Wizenheimer: Yeah, sure.

Geoff: Wait a minute, that camera's still running! Agh, curse you Marie!

Sam: Marie?

Geoff: Our camera-Lakitu. Here, let me handle this...

Geoff turns off the camera, ending the transmission.

(Author's Note: Probably taking a break from interviews now, Gonna work more on Mushroomon and a proper Fun Fic I've been thinking about)

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