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PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 6:58 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 4:17 pm
Posts: 97
Location: In a room
I did a review show last week, but I removed it. It wasn't as good as this anyway.
Episode One: The Wario Bros. Review ''Wrath of Bowser''
by MarioMan67

WARIO: Is it recording?
WALUIGI: Give me a minute! We're hiding from the police, and this is the nearest thing I can find!
WARIO: Why could've you used that SD card camera?
WALUIGI: Maybe you didn't give it to me?
WARIO: Whatever! I bought this for $3 at the thrift shop. It had a tape in it, so...
WALUIGI (cuts him off): Hey, you guys, we're Waluigi and Wario, and we're going to read a story!
WARIO: First of all, we're supposed to introduce ourselves the other way around, and we're going to review the story, not read it!
WALUIGI: But you said--
WARIO: Nyah!
WARIO: *spttt* Today, we're going to review the Lemmy's Mario Cartoons story, [url=]''Wrath of Bowser''[/url], by Raceman21.
The story's plot is obvious from the title. Bowser is angry, and he'll burn down the Mushroom Kingdom in a fiery blaze.
WALUIGI: Never mind Wario. He didn't read it.
WARIO: I don't like the SMB3 show. I also don't like that them Lemmy's Land tourists made more scripts for a dead cartoon. It seems like a waste of time.
WALUIGI (sarcastically): Like eating, or breathing.
[Wario hits Waluigi on the head.]
WARIO: No jokes at my expense! Now, you're the one who suggested me to read the story, so maybe we should right now.
[Waluigi sets a laptop with the story loaded on it.]
WARIO: Thanks, Waluigi.
WALUIGI: Don't mention it. I sprained my wrists doing so.
WARIO: ''Wrath of Bowser by Raceman 21. Part 1: The Warp Land Wand Heist. Mario: That was one great battle against Robo-Koopa!''
[Waluigi stops recording until after Wario finishes the story.]
[Photo Slide: ''Read the story until thd show resumes. See you in 5 minutes!'' - Wario and Waluigi.]
WARIO: ''The End''. Not what I expected.
WALUIGI: Good thing I stopped recording while we were reading the story.
WARIO: Now this is a review show, so...

[b]Plot:[/b] Bowser wreaks havoc on Warp Land and steals the king's wand. Mario must deal with finding the wand, in addition to rescuing the princess and reviving Luigi, who gave Mario a Power Star and sacrificed himself doing so. (Bowser had death-wished the two.)

The story is in two halves: ''The Warp Land Wand Heist'', and ''Adventures in Koopa Land''. In the second part, Mario battles the Koopalings. Luigi is saved in time to help defeat five of them, but then is frozen by the nefarious reptile. Mario finds another Power Star and manages to reverse an accidental freeze spell back to Bowser, who freezes. Mario then drops him in the volcano that replaced the Warp Land castle in part 1. He gets back the wand before it melts, then drops the Doomship, and the Koopalings, also frozen, into the lava.

Mario undoes Warp Land's damage, the brothers get $1 each, the end, basically. (summary by [size=50]MarioMan67[/size][size=150]Waluigi.[/size])

Out of five stars? I'll give the fan fiction's plot a four. It's a more epic tale than the cartoons could've ever dreamed of, but Luigi should've been revived later, instead of King Koopa abruptly giving in after Mario not even defeating three of his kids. Otherwise, it was alright.

WALUIGI: I'll handle the next section, the [b]dialogue[/b]. Now the plot was good, at least to us, but the dialogue is practically in ''so bad it's good'' territory. There's a lot of examples throughout the story. I'm not sure if this one of Raceman21's earlier works, but I guess it could've been. I can write better than that. There's also a few bits of awkward-sounding dialogue, like in this scene:

(after Luigi is unfrozen)
Mario: And I defeated Koopa! He, his kids, and the doomship have been iced and put in the lava and melted.

It's like a 10-year old wrote that part. That's probably the worst example in this story.

There's also an continuity error in the beginning. Mario implies the story takes place after SMBSS in the first scene. In the next scene, Bowser implies the story takes place after the SMB3 cartoon when he says, ''My plans of taking over the Mushroom Kingdom! RUINED! It's all thanks to you brats!''

And there's another when Hip and Hop say the doomship is destroyed. Kooky says the map computer works[i] on[/i] it, and Bowser uses it later, even though they said it was messed up earlier.

Final opinion: 2.5 out of 5 stars. At least it's not a mess of bad grammar and spelling.

WARIO: And now... the last part of the review -- the execution. The basic [b]execution[/b] of ''Wrath of Bowser'', i.e. the combination of plot and writing to make something cohorent... As a whole, it seems rushed at times, and a few certain actions are just missing altogether, and mostly implicated.
King Koopa: I wish Mario and Luigi were gone forever!

Mario: No!

Luigi: Mario, only one of us can survive with the Power Star, and I am giving it to you!

Mario: No, Luigi... I...
There should be something inbetween King Koopa's line and Mario's first line, but there's nothing. Like Waluigi pointed out, there's a few plotholes, but the actual cartoon was full of those too.

One random thing I noticed: You might assume the Power Star is a Starman at first, but I don't know. It keeps Mario alive, but there's no mention of inivisibility or anything else. Near the end though...
Mario sees the second Power Star dropped by Luigi.

Mario: Good ol' Luigi gave me the Power Star. NO, IT ENDS HERE, KOOPA!


Mario: I will reverse the spells back to you!

King Koopa: NO!!! NOT THAT!!!

(The freeze spells hit Koopa.)
In the episode ''Super Koopa'', you might've seen the Mario Bros. get Fire Flowers in one scene, They also got invisibility powers with the power-up, and they deflected Fire/Raccoon Koopa's fireballs, causing him to lose his Raccoon powers. But no mention of Starman or Fire Flower powers are mentioned.

Don't know what's up with that whole ''Power Star'' thing. It's crazy.

I'll give the execution about 3.5 stars. The story needed serious improvement. There might be more problems we missed, but we can't all be perfect.

WARIO: What?
WALUIGI: I think the police are sawing the door in half.
WARIO: I should've protected us better, I think.
WALUIGI: You probably shouldn't steal an entire house next time.
WARIO: How many of those morons are outside our bedroom?
WALUIGI: Since this is being transmitted live... I guess a lot.
WARIO: [url=]And people think you're not an official character.[/url]
WALUIGI: That has nothing to do with it! What's the total?
WARIO: 10 of 15... That means it was decent.
WALUIGI: Like I couldn't tell!
[The door is completely destroyed. Two hundred police officers rush into the room.]
WARIO: Help! Help! This is the Wario brothers saying-- [Wario is gagged.]
WALUIGI: Good night!
[The brothers are taken away and arrested. The tape runs out.]


How did you guys like this review? Was it good? Does it need any improvements? Should I do more? What was your opinion of the main story reviewed itself?

I'll probably send this to SY for the main site, if I can work on this some more.

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